The Ridonculous Race: Refunds Not Accepted
by ToonGuy
Summary: One year after the very first Ridonculous Race, Don is back again to show a brand new selection of teams backstabbing, arguing, loving and racing their way to one million dollars! With circus freaks, secret daters, inventors and more, this Race will be just as eventful as the last! Does contain some Total Drama characters, will be revealed inside.
1. Ep 1: The Malfunctioning Eighteen Part 1

_I DO NOT OWN TOTAL DRAMA, DON OR ANY OF THE RETURNING CONTESTANTS, THEY BELONG TO FRESH TV AND WHOEVER ELSE OWNS THEM._

SOMEWHERE IN THE BAHAMAS.

"Ah, this is delicious, can I get another...three of these? Free?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I am going to have to-"

"You know, this reminds me of how I often talk to the guy who runs this place. Yeah, he and I were talking about annoying staff members who wouldn't let us relax and insisted on annoying us. And he said oddly enough that if I ever had that problem-"

"I'll get you another five! On the house!" The waiter walked away hurriedly, as Don Chizzleton sighed and, much like his namesake, relaxed back on the sunny beaches and chilled out.

Until he heard a familiar sounding song. "Oh!" He said, the song clicking into place in his head. He reached into his discarded jacket and pulled out his phone.

"NA-NANANANA-NA-NA-NA-NANANA! I WANNA BE! I WANNA BE! I WANNA BE-" CLICK.

"Hey! Woah, uh, slow down, I can barely hear you! Where are you? It sounds like you're in a wind tunnel!" Don's eyes widened. "You are in a wind tunnel!?"

He frowned. "Bad news? Oh dear god, THEY'VE CANCELLED MY SPA BUDGET!? No? Not that bad? Thank the- We've got a second season!" He jumped from his chair, let out a loud "WHOOP!" and fell face first into the sand. Spluttering, he sat up. "Yeah- ACK! Yeah, I'm still here. That doesn't sound like bad news. What? Starting tomorrow? In America?! WHY ARE YOU ONLY JUST NOW TELLING ME THIS!?"

The waiter walked back onto the sand. "All right, sir, here are your-" He stared at the chair, which had been broken in two, and then at the long line of footprints as Don rapidly booked it to the airport.

The waiter shrugged, looked around and began to sip the drinks.

...

CUE INTRO.

...

NEW YORK CITY.

There was a series of horrified screams as one private jet swung down and hit the runway so fast that it was possible that the entire undercarriage seemed to slowly tear apart. The pilot of this particular flight, the actual pilot and the air-stewardess all jumped clear.

Don watched as his plane skidded to a stop. "Oh great, now I've got to cover damages! Thanks Fernando!"

"But you were the one who was flying it! You told me to get back or I'd lose my job!"

"And whose fault is THAT?!" Don took off running, scrambling over the fence as the police sirens drew nearer.

Fernando stared for a moment. "Did he just...abandon us to the police?!"

The Air Stewardess sighed and sat down. It was going to be a long day.

...

Don skidded to a stop outside the Grand Central Station. "Am...Am-" He doubled up and gasped for breath. "Am I here on time?!" Someone handed him a earpiece, and the crackling voice of the producer informed him that he was. "Oh great!" He tried to pull himself together, straighten his hair and try and eliminate the appearance of a man half mad. It didn't work.

He cleared his throat. "I'm here in New York City! Where everything's out to steal your money, and where Lady Liberty casts her judgmental gaze at us all! And also, the starting point in the race around the world! Last year's finishing line is today's starting point!" Don staggered backwards into a deckchair helpfully provided for by one of the smarter cameramen. "Let's meet the contestants for a whole new chapter of-" The camera zoomed in dramatically. "-THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!"

He paused. "You guys added the gleam, right?"

...

The train raced along the tracks.

In one corner of the train, two women sat. One was regally composed, not a peroxide-blonde hair out of place, with her rather flattering choice of a purple suit made her look equipped to handle a business office rather than a race such as this. The younger woman, despite looking like the other, was not as well-groomed. Blonde hair was ruffled around so much that it looked like the aftermath of a dog vs carpet match. Her blue eyes were constantly blinking, and in her well-manicured hands, she was clutching a stress ball. Her dress was more suited to the race, though it appeared to be adorned with sequins and looked like the swiss-army knife of dresses.

"Don't pick your nails!" snapped the older woman.

"Yes mom." flinched the younger.

 **"Angela and Sally-"** said Don in a voice-over. **"-mother and daughter, and also the arch typical stage mom and and her meal ticket!"**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Angela: Not to brag about myself, but I always could have been something. In fact, when I worked on the theater, I was apparently a shoe in for best newcomer back in the day. But I lost- *her eye starts twitching* -for SOME REASON. THOSE JUDGES WENT FOR THE 'NICE' OPTION. *calm down* So I figured I had done something wrong. And I, like any responsible parent, do not want my daughter to make the same mistakes. So, I've taken her to beauty pageants since she was three, had her in acting classes since she was seven, she's been on stage since she could say anything-

Sally: I, heh, I've lived a busy life. *laughs nervously and starts playing with her stress-ball*

Angela: And I know that entering this race is going to be our first step into becoming famous worldwide!

Sally: I, uh, didn't really want to do it, but then Mom...convinced me.

Angela: Don't say it like that. All I told you was that if you wanted to make us proud and have a roof over your head, you'd have to do this with me.

...

In the next seat over, several women swooned at the sight of two modern day Adonis's flexing their muscles. One, brown skinned and with jet black hair that looked like it had been swept back by a fan, kissed his forearm, while the other one, a red headed man with a grin like a dentist had gone at his teeth with every bit of toothpaste he had, began doing push-ups. Both wore green tracksuits with the letters 'TS' on them.

 **"Chad and James, aspiring Olympians, exemplary jocks and overall handsome and attractive people who always get the ladies- is this another one of those 'Let's give the contestants intros do write' thing? It is? Of course.**

 **...**

CONFESSIONAL:

Chad: Let's be real here for a sec. See, we've watched the previous seasons. There have been jocks on there before, but honestly, what exactly have they accomplished? One's scared of chickens, another can't say his name with out adding random sound effects to it, and...then there are the less memorable ones.

James: But this time, we're planning on dominating the competition. Why? *taps head* Because we got brains! We actually know what half of the words that the the smart dweebs say actually mean!

Chad: Have you heard them talk? That takes a lot of effort. Effort that will steamroller over the other teams like a...STEAMROLLER.

James: Excellent comparison there! Now BRO-FIST ME DUDE! *They bro-fist*

...

"Okay, okay, you sure that the batteries are in here?"

"Yes Ellie."

"You sure? I don't want my camera to run out of charge."

"It's fine." One girl sat up and gently noogied the other. "Hey, relax!" She lounged back on her chair, strawberry blonde hair covering her rather young face and causing her to reach into her jeans to pull out a mirror. The other girl, smaller and wiry, awkwardly tried to relax backwards, her rather neat brown hair refusing to take the same unkempt but beautiful look of the other. She wiped her glasses and sighed nervously. Gently, the first girl wrapped her hand around hers, and she cracked a smile at this.

 **"Alice and Ellie, the odd couple from their school. One's Miss Popular, the other one is far more likely to get thrown in the locker. Look at her glasses!"**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Alice: We weren't expecting to become friends straight away, but it's actually really nice! I mean the other girls usually tell me that I'm wasting my time with her, and that I could be with far better people, but I tell them to-

Ellie: Keep it clean. *laughs self-consciously* We actually did this race as kind of a joke, and perhaps maybe a little take that to those jerks out there in school, because we're still teenagers technically. Because you deserve to be with whoever you want to...AS FRIENDS.

Alice: Yeah! First time out, there's no one else I'd rather be with! Nothing can beat the power of friendship- Ouch! Nail broken!

Ellie: Shall I get the emergency services out?

...

Over in the corner of the train, sitting on his own, a slightly older man was strumming on a guitar. His handprint shirt and casual laidback manner was offset somewhat by the fact that he had pulled his hoodie up so that no one could see him. He turned slightly, and the camera caught sight of his face.

 **"Trent. Veteran of the Total Drama series, member of the Drama Brothers boy-band, and also voted 35th Hottest in the Canadian 100. Also, lowest ranking member of the Drama Brothers on there."**

Trent glared. "So uh...where's my partner?"

 **"Oh you'll see."** said the voice-over omniously. " **Right...about...NOW!"**

"TRENT?!"

Trent grabbed hold of his seat in shock. A goth girl was standing there, blue and black hair matching the rest of her outfit. The look of shock displaced that of her usual indifferent expression.

"G-Gwen?!"

 **"Oh, and Gwen. Also Total Drama Veteran. Blogger. And Trent's ex girlfriend! Hehehehe!"**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Trent: So we did make up on the show. And the aftermath, and the parties, and when they decided that I wasn't a All Star enough for the All Star show. But there's a bit of a major difference between a quick 'No problem' and sharing a space on such a tense show as the race with your ex.

Gwen: I wonder if Don took any hints from Chris. This feels like I've never been away.

...

 **And speaking of Total Drama, I- WHAT THE HADES!?**

"Oh my god! We'realmosttherewe'realmostherewe'realmostthere!"

"I can't wait to get my picture taken with Don!"

The voices of the rather annoying kind came from two, for lack of a better term, cosplayers. One was dressed up in sneakers, greenish pants, a blue shirt with white sleeves and a grin that looked eerily like Chris McLean. Besides him, was the spitting image of Don, down to the rather fancy brown jacket and hairstyle.

 **"I...Uh...this is Dan and Charles...that's creepy."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Dan: We are SUPERFANS OF THE SHOW!

Charles; I started watching it first, and I think that the only good thing in most of the series was Chris. He's my idol growing up! He was first, and he was certainly not the worst!

Dan: Ha! In your dreams! Chris is so passe, my favorite is Don, hence the clothing!

Charles: We met at a meet and greet with the fans. We got into a fight and accidentally torched the the place. And also set Anna-Marie's hair on fire.

Dan: It was his fault! He said that Don wasn't good enough to lick Chris's boots!

Charles: WELL HE- *takes deep breath* So, we have to do this race to pay off the bail. And when we win-

Dan: DON AND I WILL BE THE BEST OF FRIENDS.

...

"So, I was like saying to him "Ew, get your loser hands off me, weirdo." and he ran away crying and sad. It was soooo pathetic and funny!"

A pair of annoying laughs echoed across the train. They belonged to a pair of rather beautiful teenage girls who were not too subtly oogling Trent. The Drama Brother pulled up his hoodie.

"Oh my gosh, though right?" said one of them, a brown haired girl with streaks of blonde in. She was dressed in a pink T-Shirt with the words 'Better Than U' on it, plus with a pair of shorts that had the name of some random designer on them. "Thank god we're here to bring some style to it! I mean look at Beauty and the Geek over there!" Another set of braying laughs, and Ellie awkwardly hid her face.

"Well they seem like they'll be fun." deadpanned Gwen, as the other girl, a black haired one dressed in a navy blue shirt with a plaid skirt and sharp trainers, gave death glares to.

 **"Rachel and Tina, teenagers and self-proclaimed popular girls, spoiled rotten as we were when their parents donated a hefty check to get them into the race."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Rachel: *straightening her shorts* So, when we were told about this, we were like, okay, sure whatever mom, and then we realized that it's not just about the money-

Tina: It's about showing off how much better we are than most people in the world. I mean come on, all the freaks want to be like us secretly, the way they dress is just a cry for attention.

Rachel: It's true. Our dads told us that. He also told us that poor people are just toadstools that sprouted legs.

...

The train pulled into the station, and everyone got up to move out. In the next carriage, a woman covered in so much ash that it was hard to make out much of her face beyond that of a pair of green eyes and a nose, slipped on her overalls and tapped her partner on the shoulder. "Come on, Carter! We're here."

"I'm so close though!" protested her partner, a slightly less ash faced man with random patches of faded red burns marking his skin.

"Come on champ, we can finish this later!" Her left arm clenched around the machine and lifted it into a bag. Carter sighed, adjusted her metallic arm slightly and set off.

 **"Carter and Wendy, geniuses and inventors fresh out of university. I really need a arm like that- in fact, we need to replace the entire staff with robots! Except the lovely producers of course, aheheheh please don't fire me."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Wendy: We came on this show because we wanted to advance our research on robotics and such. Also, to show the world that not all geeks are bespectacled idiots who have no social life or idea of how normal human beings interact. Seriously, some of us are actually smart both on a book and street sense. Oh, and because we wanted to make history! I mean no one else has run the race with one of these babies before! *clicks robot fingers together*

Carter: She's so proud of that arm.

Wendy: Shut up! *affectionately shoves him. He shoves her back. She shoves him harder and sends him sailing off* Ooops! SORRY!

Carter: *muffled, in pain* S'okay.

...

As they stepped off, the Inventors noticed that the train seemed to breath a sigh of relief as a extremely large figure squeezed his way out of the carriage door. He scratched his head and looked around.

"Wow." he said. "This sure is different from that Island, isn't it Pa?"

"Yep." said the old man, dressed exactly as his son, in typical farm gear.

 **"Returning from Pakitew Island is Rodney, and with him is his father, Derek. Both of them are lifelong farmers and have rarely been outside the farm."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Rodney: My time on the Island was a roller-coaster of emotional terror and pain, not to mention that the girls of the Island went through me like a knife through butter.

Derek: Yep.

Rodney: But, I have resolved myself to stand firm! NO MORE LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT FOR ME.

Derek: Uh huh.

...

Two others followed Rodney and Derek, but these two were older. Both were brunettes with greying hair, wore orange sweaters, black trousers and sensible shoes. The man frowned and began muttering something under his breath about the mother, while the woman stared at Rodney and vaguely wondered whether or not he was aware of how complicated his mind really was.

 **"Siggy and Carly, Professors of Phliosophy and part time therapists. Also, official crackpots."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Siggy: I mastered in the arts as written by the one true interpreter of the human subconscious, Sigmund Freud. I even changed my name to his to show how dedicated I was to his craft! And then I met this...woman.

Carly: Yes, well we can't all be fascinated with killing our fathers, now can we? Does yours sleep with a eye open? Anyway, trust me, the last thing we want to hear is about Freud. Now, Jung on the other hand-

Siggy: JUNG WAS A HACK AND YOU KNOW IT! *both get in each others faces*

...

Walking quickly to avoid a throng of adoring fans, two figures walked on down and followed at a quick pace. Rachel elbowed Tina. "Oh, MY GOSH. Isn't that-"

"LEONARDO DECARPO!" squealed Tina.

Leonardo, a man drenched in Botox, hair-gel (His white-blond hair was far too styled to be natural) and smugness, paused to blow a kiss over to the two teens. Rolling her eyes, his co-racer, Dressed in a dress that one would more associate with a red carpet, she stopped and posed one or two times for photographs to be taken.

 **"Also joining us are Leonardo and Toni, rising celebrities and where most of the budget for providing travel for the teams was blown on. They don't have bigger tents than mine, right?"**

 **...**

Leonardo: Greetings world! It is I, Leonardo DeCarpo!

Toni: They know who you are. I'm Toni Watkins, by the way.

Leonardo: I bet they know who you are as well!

Toni: The hate mail sure confirms that. We're here to show that not all actors are looks obsessed fame hungry- Leo, stop looking at that woman's butt.

Leonardo: Well hello there! Are you free after this race? *gets up and heads out of camera view. Toni looks back and sighs*

...

From the other side of the street, a army of taxi cabs began making their way through the bustling metropolis to drop off the last few racers. Leading them however, was a brightly colored car with streamers popping out of it and with every beep of the horn unleashing balloons. It mounted the curb, where a woman flipped her way out of the back and did backflips. The driver, a man drenched in so much makeup that he looked like he had crashed into a powder factory, followed morosely.

 **"From the circus, we have Bouncy the Clown and Flip-Flop the Acrobat. We did actually ask them for their real names, but apparently we're not allowed to talk about them."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Flip Flop: Hi, I'm Flip Flop, and this is Bouncy! *Bouncy sounds a horn. It sounds depressing* He can't speak, it's in his contract. He was so hardcore about it that he had his larynx removed. Anyway, the reason we're doing this? Uh, mostly because the circus is a dying art, and because children tend to find Bouncy a little bit terrifying since he accidentally burnt down half the tent. *Bouncy honks his horn in anger* Well it's true! The bearded lady's beard caught fire! It was a shambles! *sighs and slips back into cheerful mode* So yeah! Also, I'm apparently here to make sure that Bouncy's...'problem' doesn't get out of control. *Bouncy glares at her* What?!

...

The first actual Taxi pulled in behind the clown car. Out of it stepped two men who looked like they would rather die than do what they were doing at the moment. Both were dressed exactly the same, blue shirt, dark blue pants and a blue cap rammed on their head. Their eyes were shielded with sunglasses.

 **"To the rest of the competition, these may seem like just your typical mailmen. But in reality, Patrick and Norman are actually top secret agents from Britain, working on behalf of...huh, there are pages missing from my script."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Patrick: *speaks with a British accent* This...was not our idea.

Norman: *Also British* Intel has it that there is going to be some sort of dangerous thing that will happen in this race, and co-incidentally, our clues to what that is are located in the countries we are to visit.

Patrick: It's almost like our foe really likes reality TV.

Norman: And unfortunately for us, we have to dress up like Postmen, or as the Canadians call them, MAIL-MEN- *gags* -to find out what it is we have to stop.

Patrick: So yes. This will be fun. About as fun as filing paperwork.

...

Out of the same taxi, out stepped two figures clad in checkered shorts, white aprons and overalls and wearing chef hats. One female, one male, they jumped through the air like...ice dancers.

Don walked up, ripped the false mustaches off and glared at Josee and Jacques.

"What?!" smiled Josee. "The other team had food poisoning."

"Considering that we're Chefs, that's unlikely." said the real Chefs, dressed exactly the same, save for the woman not having a mustache. That they could see. Don nodded and security dragged the protesting Ice Dancers off.

 **"Ugh. Prima Donnas. Now, two of Canada's most respected Chefs, Gordon and Nigella. Bet they'll be cooking up a storm. Eh? Eh? Eh? Shut up, it was funny."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Gordon: Honestly, we have to deal with a lot of idiots in the kitchen. We usually tend to scream at them until they do what we want.

Nigella: You have to have complete discipline and patience in the kitchen. It's basically like being a Buddhist, except there's ore people who will be let down if you don't BUCKLE DOWN AND START WORKING LIKE A HORSE! *pants heavily*

Gordon: ...Deep breathes, Nigella. Deep breathes.

...

Riding on bikes came the next team. The male stepped off and growled. Several doves flew away in terror as he flexed his muscled arm, which was covered in tattoos, scratched his black leather jacket and placed his hands in his pockets. His companion, a woman with dyed green hair that was cut to a pixie cut and was dressed in clothes that looked like someone had deliberately cut holes in, walked out and growled.

 **"Ah, replacing the Goths as 'That Team that Freaks Me The Hell Out' are the Bikers, Tiger and Guzzle. Yes, those are their names, and so they do not kill me, I will not mock them for it."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Tiger: We have the advantage over them. These babies probably haven't even driven that far in their lives. They've probably been molly-coddled their whole life. We on the other hand, have had to fight to survive!

Guzzle: You don't get tats like this because you were nice, or momma's boys. You got these for terrorizing everyone in your way! There's nothing in the world we love better than spreading our message of HARDCORE DETERMINATION! That, and the pretty sweet bikes.

...

Coughing in the wake of the fumes, walked two rather fit people in their late twenties. Both had a certain aloof air to them, the man wearing a red shirt and a black jacket to match his trousers and school type shoes, while the other man had his hair almost all shaved off and wore a white tracksuit and a whistle round his neck.

They looked at the teenagers there and scowled.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" scowled the black jacketed one.

 **"Shouldn't you? Joining us now are the Teachers, English Teacher Tim and Fitness Coach Harry."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Tim: We do not want to be here. We would not be here if it wasn't for the money.

Harry: One million? Man, you could retire on that.

Tim; That's all we're thinking about at the moment. There's only so long you can take both the snot nosed brats and the school system that chokes you to death like a vice-

Harry: You do know this is on National TV, right? They'll be watching this back at the School.

Tim: ...Ah.

...

Another taxi door opened, and out walked a red haired woman with a line worn face. Following her was a equally as exhausted looking man with black hair that had grown out far too long. Both wore a navy blue outfit that displaced their names on tags.

 **"And joining us now, looking fresh faced as ever, are Liam and Ginger, Social Workers for over five years."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Liam: Honestly this competition will probably be a breeze.

Ginger: Jinxed it.

Liam: We face down kids with knives, parents with knives, knives with knives, kids who are sick and vomit everywhere, fights between kids, fights between adults-

Ginger: Honestly, this'll probably be a cakewalk compared to this. ...Damn it, jinxed us again!

Liam: Maybe it cancels it out?

...

The penultimate team came not from the taxi but from the sky, as a grappling hook thudded next to Don. Riding down, two brightly colored buffoons huffed their chests out. One was almost entirely yellow with splashes of orange and red about his person, and the other was green and black. One looked happy. The other did not.

"Have no fear! The Superheroes in Training are here!"

 **"Ah yes. The Superheroes in Training. Thomas, or as he calls himself, Speed Demon, and Terrance, or The Puncher. Original.**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Thomas: This will be the chance to show the world the future, of crime fighting!

Terrance: Excellent. I'll just go and leave that to you. He can run fast and I can hit things.

Thomas: Enhanced by a ancient AMULET we found in our attic.

Terrance: He found. I want no part of this.

...

The final taxi coughed to a stop. Sitting atop it were two woman who looked as though they had never even so much as encountered a butterfly that had a quarrel with them. Gracefully climbing off, they moved forward. Both were pale, one with icy blonde hair and a green jumper combined with a black skirt and purple leggins, and the other, with spiky black hair, a white shirt and both hands in a pair of black bottoms.

 **"And finally, a Total Drama: Revenge of the Island contestant Dawn and her best friend Molly."**

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Molly: I was stoked to have Dawn ask me to go with her! She's awesome!

Dawn: You were the awesome one, I just helped you find your true path to unlocking that hidden potential. But don't get attached to me for too long, for I am not meant for this race.

Molly: Wh-what? She does that a lot.

...

All eighteen teams gathered around.

"Now, before we begin, I'd like to explain one thing. Due to a lawsuit filed by Laurie and Miles from last year, we had to agree to work in a co-host for this season. They were specific, they wanted a eco-friendly, clean, veteran of the Reality Show, who wasn't going to be unfair to them...so with that in mind, Dawn, join me?"

Molly stared in shock as Dawn smiled gently and almost floated up. "I saw that coming." she told Don.

"Of course you did. Molly, don't worry, we've got a replacement partner, and he's from the same season Dawn is." Don turned. "Ah, here he comes now."

Jogging fast, a rather tough looking person with a black crew cut, green tank top and blue shorts rushed up, threw a salute and stood down.

"Ten hut! Molly, meet Brick!"

"Pleasure to meet you, MAM!" Brick saluted Molly, who awkwardly saluted back.

"Uh, yeah, great to...meet you too."

...

CONFESSIONAL:

Brick: So when I got the call, I was a little surprised. After all, I was not shown in a...positive light in Total Drama.

Molly: Didn't you wet yourself in the dark?

Brick: Marm, that was ONE TIME! But I decided to come back, not only to get some more money so I can go to Fashion School, but also to experience the world *turns to Molly* Marm, may I engage you in a high five?!

Molly: Sure. Knock yourself out. *Brick goes for the high five, misses and falls off his chair* Ah. Team work. Nothing like it.

...

"Now with that out of the way-" Don widened his arms. "-WELCOME TO THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeh! He said it! I love you Don!"

"I love me too." Don agreed. "There can only be one victor out of all eighteen teams. But for that one lucky pair, they will win...ONE...MILLION...DOLLARS!"

Each team spent a good few seconds imagining that amount of money and what they would do with it.

Don was about to continue, but Dawn cut in. "This is the starting line for your twenty six leg around the world! Each part ends at a chill zone! You must get there fast, because the last one to stand on the carpet of completion could be eliminated! But reach the final chill zone first, and your victory shall be assured! Now, run until you find our Ridonculous Tip Box, or the Don Box, where you will receive your first travel tip!" She paused. "Sorry, Don, were you about to say something?"

Don growled. "Now...on your marks-"

The Teachers and Social Workers tensed up, as beside them the Popular Chicks looked dead ahead.

"-get set-"

The Inventors fist bumped, while the Professional Jocks stretched out and got in a good position. Dawn stepped back.

"GO!"

Thirty six pairs of feet thudded on the concrete, and briefly on Don, as the teams took off in the direction that Don was pointing in. The host staggered up and clutched his head. "Got to remember to stand back next time."

...

"Move it or lose it!" James and Chad were pulling ahead of the others, but not too far behind them were the Bikers.

"Come on Tiger, they're never going to let us live it down if we lose to a couple of kids!" Guzzle let out a roar of rage that actually startled both Jocks and raced forward.

"She's catching up on us man!"

"Don't worry! We've run from bears! We can handle this!"

"There's not much difference between the two of them, that's true enough!"

Meanwhile, in another street, the vast majority of the teams were still in a throng together. Most were holding up rather well under the pressure, though some were...not.

"Thanks for carrying me Harry!" said Tim as he lounged on Harry's back.

"Yeah, well, this better not be what I'm doing for the entire race!"

Gwen grimaced as she skidded to a stop. "This is ridiculous! At this rate, we'll never find the Dumb Box, we'll just be running around for the rest of the day and not getting anywhere!"

"Oh, and what are you going to do, weird goth girl?" Gwen sighed, clearly it was not meant to be that she escaped Heather, or at least someone very much like her.

"Well I have a idea." Carter looked at Wendy. "Throw me."

"Are you crazy!?"

"Just do it!"

Wendy looked at him for a minute, and then sighed. "Please don't hate me if this goes wrong!" Grabbing him gently, she swung her arm back and tossed his up.

"WOAH!" echoed most of the teams.

"I should really cut my arm off and get me one of those."

Everyone gave Rodney a odd look.

"It's probably symbolic of her hatred for authority and also how she wishes she had her mother's love." Siggy suggested.

"Or it could just be because I was born without a arm?" suggested Wendy.

"I SEE IT!" came the shout. "It's in the next street over- WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" He suddenly plummeted towards the ground. Wendy quickly grabbed hold of him. "Whew. Thanks!"

There was a pause, and then someone (Possibly Angela) shouted "EVERY TEAM FOR THEMSELVES!" and they scattered. The first to touch the Don Box was Brick and Molly, having taken off the second they heard the shout. As they ripped the travel tip of, Molly whooped and read aloud. "It's a All In!"

...

"A All In is where both members of the team must compete. In this challenge, teams must head to the Federeal Hall, where they must search through this historic building to discover one of these postage stamps!" Don held up a red stamp with the image of Federal Hall and George Washington on it

"This was produced in 1939 to celebrate the 150th Anniversary of George Washington's inauguration as the first President of America!" chimed in Dawn. "They must present the stamp to the tour guide to get their next tip." Dawn smiled. "Also, buy energy saving lightbulbs!" She turned to Don. "There. That counts as your commerical for the day."

"Ugh."

...

"So, Brick, kind of a shot in the dark, but I'm guessing that you're not too familiar with stamps."

"No marm!"

"Terrific. Okay, neither am I, so let's just get to it!" They ran off, passing the Professional Jocks, Bikers, Reality Ex's and Inventors on their way.

"Wow, for a team that doesn't know each other, they're doing a lot better than I would have thought!" marveled Trent. He looked at Gwen. "Uh, Gwen, we're going to have to talk at some point, right?"

"Oh look, Don Box!" Gwen grabbed the tip. "Okay, let's see, federal hall George Washington, right, let's go!" They took off, Trent slightly concerned but willing to go along with it. A crowd began gathering as the fight to press the button and grab the tip first began. One person dived onto another, someone called Sally's mom pushy (Sally herself would have agreed, but for her mom's face) and eventually someone tripped over a fire hydrant and knocked it over.

...

Far away, on the rooftops of one of the buildings, Thomas and Terrance were not affected by such mere concerns as money and actually taking part in the race.

"Why are we up here again?!" screamed a terrified Terrance.

"To practise our mad skills! We must learn what it is to be a superhero! Understand our abilities fully!"

"Can we do that AT THE CHILL ZONE?!"

Thomas laughed and lightly smacked Terrance on the back. "No, stupid! There's no time like the present!"

"Yes there is! It's called the past!" Terrance frowned as a huge fountain of water spurted upwards. One could almost see the lightbulb appearing above his head. "Look! Clearly someone has shattered a water pipe! We must rush to the rescue!"

Thomas gasped. "SPEED DEMON TO THE RESCUE!" He started running, taking a blind leap of faith and somehow managing not to fall through the gap in the buildings.

Terrance took the stairs.

...

The tour guide looked up in time to see five teams racing into the Federal Hall. The Flower-Cadets were first, followed shortly by the Reality Show-Ex's, the Inventors, the Professional Jocks and, oddly enough, the Odd Couple.

...

Alice: Ellie actually managed to get the tip out before all the chaos descended on us all! It was super cool!

Ellie: You spend enough time shoved into the locker with the rest of the nerds, you learn how to squeeze through a large crowd.

...

"Okay, okay, so it's George Washington! What does he look like?" Carter said as he began searching through the front desk.

"Uh, tall guy, white hair, and he's probably got the name under his face!" shouted Wendy as she rushed into a display area. She wasn't the first in there though, as both Alice and Ellie were searching through.

"The Bible!" whispered Ellie as she rushed towards the large book. As she gripped it, she began flicking through. "Okay, okay. Now, there's a lot of pages to look through."

Wendy was about to ask them something, but she shook her head and rushed off towards another room.

 **"While the first five teams begin the search, more teams are only now getting their tips!"** Grimacing to herself, Flip Flop finally cleared the crowd of contestants rolling around in the cold water and handed it to Bouncy. "Come on! Let's get the car and get going!"

Norman watched as they departed and growled. "Come on! If we're going to do this, we need to act quickly! I do not want to be the one who has to report to HQ that we didn't save the world because we couldn't press a button!" Suddenly his eyes went wide. "Oh, wait." He pulled something out of his bag and walked forward. He fiddled with the Don Box.

"What's wrong?!" gabbled Thomas as he rushed forward-

-and at that precise moment, the Don Box spewed out travel tips right into his face. Norman grinned, grabbed on and took off as the other tried not only to grab the tips but to make sure they weren't knocked in the face by one.

...

Gordon: Those are the weirdest mailmen I've ever met.

...

 **"Meanwhile, some of the teams may be about to strike gold! Not literal gold, mind you, we can't actually afford that."**

Bouncy looked up at the statue of Washington. He honked his horn. Getting the idea quickly, Flip-Flop jumped up, flipped over Washington's head and grabbed a small item from beneath his wig. She looked at the stamp, then at Washington's face and then let out a shout of triumph. The Tour Guide looked, judged...and then handed them a travel tip.

"Right! Another All In! And it's in the...Empire State Building?"

Bouncy honked a honk of surprise.

...

"That's right." Dawn looked up and staggered back. "Wow. Even looking at it makes me a bit nauseous. But somewhere in this building lies another Don Box. The only problem, we don't know which. The Teams must arrive here, choose between stairs or elevator and search each floor painstakingly. So just because we ran out of money on the other challenges, we're reusing the first challenge from last year."

"Don't point that out! Ugh, you are just so un-professional, WHERE'S MY WATER?!"

...

"How did they, you know what? Never mind!" The Jocks took off searching. Chad suddenly looked around, and stared at one of the pillars. He cracked his knuckles, jumped onto the pillar and started shuffling his way up.

James turned to the camera. "Chad actually did a little more than me on the gymnastic team. He was really into ropes-" He paused awkwardly, as Rachel and Tina laughed. "-STOP IT."

By this point, all teams had at least reached the Federal Hall.

"More-" Ellie spotted the stamp in the Bible and grabbed it. "-and more-" Gwen bent down and grabbed a loosened tile to reveal another stamp located there "teams are finding the stamps quickly." Rodney didn't even waste time, he lifted one of the pillars up. Chad screamed as he toppled backwards, still clutching the stamp.

...

The Clown Car sat in the middle of the throng of traffic. Bouncy glared with his usual cheerfulness (Read: None) and even Flip-Flop was beginning grow tired.

"All right, here's the plan. We get out and run." Bouncy shrugged. "Don't give me that look, at least I'm trying to do something so far!" Bouncy opened the door and squeezed out.

He was just walking towards the direction that the traffic was slowly crawling to when he spotted a woman. Coughing, he walked up to her and was about to ask for directions when something connected with his face.

"AH HA!" Thomas laughed maniacally. "You fiend! Thought you could get away with HARASSING THIS OLD WOMAN, HUH!?"

Terrance sighed. "He thinks clowns are inherently evil." he explained to Flip-Flop.

...

As the taxis took off, Trent looked awkwardly at Gwen. "So...how's life treating you?"

"Well it's going great." Gwen tried to muster up some enthusiasm and failed. "Everything's going just great."

Trent felt awkward. He turned away for a second to greet the other team in the taxi with them. "So, hey, my name's Trent."

"Oh, I'm Alice and this is Ellie." Alice grinned. "Not going to lie, you hear this a lot, but I'm a huge fan."

"She is. It gets a little...grating." Ellie grinned.

"Oh shut up you." Alice said playfully. "So, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Well, I figured that I've been unlucky once before. Maybe this time it'll work." Gwen frowned at the 'once'.

...

"Come on Charles, you have to think to yourself, what would Don do in this situation?"

Charles glared at Dan. "You know, this is getting really boring really fast." He glanced out of the corner of his eye, to see the Spies, Farmers, Jocks and Chefs leaving. "Oh great, we're running late!"

Rachel and Tina had just finished moving towards the door when they stopped dead in their tracks. Without even verbally communicating, they nodded at each other and turned back, the very picture of innocence.

"Hey hunks." said Tina, putting on a more sultry tone. "We were watching, and we just so happened to see you struggle to find the stamp, and so-"

"We'd like you to have the spare one." Rachel finished.

Dan grinned. "Thank you ladies! Maybe we could work together for a bit of the race."

"Oh, would you?" Rachel fluttered her eyelashes for the full effect.

...

Rachel: It's official. We are geniuses.

Tina: And not the really icky kind of geniuses who never know when to shut up about how clever they are even though we totally are.

Rachel: Yeah.

...

"Come on Sally! I don't see you looking hard enough! I trained you to read cue cards, your eyesight should be better than this!"

Sally was struggling a bit, as her mom desperately struggled to haggle with the tour guide. She squeezed her stress ball and tried not to freak out. In the far corner, Carter and Wendy cast their eyes around. "This has to be a joke, right?!

"How is it that we were one of the first here and yet we can't find a stupid stamp!"

"Don't panic." Carter looked around. "We've looked by the Bible, on the pillars, in the statue...where else could it be?"

At that moment, Sally couldn't help overhearing. She frowned. "Statue?" She rushed outside and spotted a plaque. She rifled around and finally pulled out two stamps. She quietly sighed in relief. Looking around so that her mother didn't see her, she snuck back in and tapped Carter on the shoulder. "Uh, here, here's one. I mean, you've been here longer and is that my mom, okay, bye gotta go!" She hurried out before either Inventor could thank her.

"Well." spoke Wendy. "That was nice."

"Less talking, more moving! Maybe she'd be up for a alliance?"

"With her mom?"

"Fair point."

Both teams were the fifteenth and sixteenth respectively to leave, and it was only at that point that the Superheroes in Training arrived. Team number Seventeen, aka the Therapists, left within seconds, and in anger Terrance punched the wall.

A stamp fell out.

...

 **"And via the magic of editing."**

...

All Eighteen teams were now combing the Empire State Building. Some were travelling up the escalator, others on elevators, and others were just running up stairs.

The Social Workers stared at the dumbwaiter shaft and then looked up it. They looked down and saw it stop at Floor 5. "You know, this is probably disgusting."

"It is." agreed Ginger. "But needs must when the devil drives." As it came up to their level, they climbed on board.

...

Liam: Our plan may look weird, but we figured out that each time the particular dumbwaiter goes up, it waits for about five minutes. That gives us enough time to search the floor and get back down again in no time.

...

"You know, this is great, but how are we going to squeeze out?"

Ginger paused. "Oh. Son of a-"

...

Bouncy honked as he massaged his wounds. The Superheroes in Training looked awkwardly at him, as Flip-Flop swung from fixture to fixture in search of something. Trent and Gwen were going through each room quickly.

"Hey, Trent?"

Trent turned, this was the first time Gwen had said something to him without promoting. "Uh, yeah?"

"I was just wondering, you were saying to the girls earlier about how you were unlucky one season. But you were on two."

"Oh, that." Trent played with his fingers. "Well, uh, this is embarrasing, and it'll make things awkward between us."

"Does it include nine in it?" There was a pause, and both laughed. "No? Then I think we're cool."

"Well I don't count the first season as unlucky because...even if it was just for a short time, I got to date the coolest girl who made me laugh." Trent shrugged. "We got on pretty great, I thought. Then I screwed it up." Trent frowned. "Hey, is that-"

Gwen stared as Trent hurried off. "Yeah...not awkward at all."

...

By luck, the Inventors were on the thirteenth floor when they spotted something sticking out.

"Either that's a body, or-" Carter shoved the curtain aside to reveal a Don Box. "Wow! Thirteen must be our lucky number!" He pressed the button, and the travel tip appeared.

Suddenly, the Box Boomed. "ALL TEAMS! I'M ON THE THIRTEENTH FLOOR. REPEAT. I'M ON THE THIRTEENTH FLOOR."

"You had to jinx it."

"Okay, so that's clearly something to make us rush and panic." Carter frowned. "It's working!" The two jumped onto the beds as the teams rushed in. Sneaking around, they slipped out of the door as the battle to get the tips began again.

Leonardo howled in agony. "My toes! MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL TOES!" He screamed like a girl and ran out sobbing, as Toni took up the battle for both of them.

"Swear to Director!" Toni picked up her shoe and started attacking the nearest person, Nigella, who responded by pulling out a cleaver and sending everyone into a panic.

Outside, Wendy read the tip. "Get to the airport. There are three flights leaving to-" Her eyes widened. "Switzerland?!"

"Well, that's new! Come on!" Both took off. Seconds later, the door practically shattered under the combined pressure of the rest of the teams.

Meanwhile, inside the building, the Superheroes in Training rescued the Social Workers from the deadly dumbwaiter. They rushed down to follow a group of teams that were rather worried about all the glass on the ground. And the Bikers, who had been struck early on by a low blow from Tim and Harry.

...

"The season premiere is going to go off the air in fifty seconds!?" Don turned as a graphic showing each plane and the people it carried popped up. "On Flight One are the Inventors, Professional Jocks, Popular Chicks, Fanboys, Spies and Stage-mily. Flight Two leaves a hour or so later, and contains the Odd Couple, Teachers, Reality Ex's, Circus Freaks, Flower-Cadets and Movie Stars. And Flight Number three leaves a hour after that, taking with them Superheroes in Training, Therapists, Farmers, Social Workers, Bikers and Chefs."

"What will happen when they reach Switerzland?"

"Can my face get any more handsomer? All these questions and more will be answered on...THE RIDONCULOUS-"

And then the network cut them off.

 **TO BE CONTINUED.**


	2. Ep 2: The Malfunctioning Eighteen Part 2

**"Previously, on the Ridonculous Race! We gathered eighteen teams together and sent them on the first leg of a trip around the world. While the Superheroes in Training showed that their grasp on reality was tenuous at best, and the Popular Chicks were stirring up trouble with their own brand of manipulation, in the end all eighteen teams somehow made it in one piece to the airport. Also, I got a new co-host."**

 _"I sense a dark shadow in the future of many of our contestants. Their auras show that all will not be well on the horizon."_

 **"Thanks for that, Mystic Meg. The next stop is Switzerland. Who will gain a advantage? Will we see the emergence of any alliances? And can our narration get any more overblown? It's time to find out on-"**

 _"-The Ridonculous Race!"_

 **"That's my li-"**

...

*CUE INTRO*

...

 **"Flight One is in the air, carrying onboard the Inventors, Jocks, Popular Chicks, Fanboys, Spies and the Stagemily. As you can imagine, there's a lot of planning ahead."**

"Can't believe they confiscated my inventing bag." sulked Carter.

"Easy Heath Robinson." Wendy said, lightly patting him on the back. "Let's just keep focusing on the plan. Now, what do we know about Switzerland?"

...

Wendy: We actually went back and looked at the previous series. We took notes on each country that the teams visited and the possible things that the producers could have us do.

Carter: Slight problem though. We actually went for some of the more obvious countries that were over looked last time. And then we did the same thing and overlooked Switzerland.

Wendy: Okay, okay, so that may be a problem. But compared to the other teams, we're very well prepared."

...

Further back, Norman stood up and nudged Patrick. "I've got to go and check with our contact. When should we land?"

Patrick looked up. "Uh, let's see...twenty five minutes. I'd get going now." He lay back and sighed, enjoying the feeling of peace that he had. Norman rolled his eyes at the more laid back attitude of his colleague, and headed to the bathroom.

"All right, I'm here. What have you got?"

The figure looked from left to right, then handed him a card. He zipped his pants up and walked out.

Norman stared. "Please tell me he washed his hands before he gave this to me."

Outside, rather closer to the front, the Popular Chicks relaxed in their first class suite. "Oh my god!" gushed Rachel. "I did not think that using your dad's name like that would get us these seats!"

"We're used to travelling in style, girlfriend!" Tina sipped at her drink. "Now. The Fanboys are pretty easy to manipulate, but who else? The teachers maybe? Play up our whole innocent little girl on our first trip?"

"Possibly." Rachel took another sip. "But save them for later. No, we need someone strong but not too clever. I'd go for that farm doofus, but his daddy might be smarter than him. So we're looking for someone strong, fit, and easy to manipulate."

At that moment, James and Chad rushed past them. "Oh gross dude!" laughed the latter. "Did you really just-"

The bathroom door flew open and Norman gasped out the words "You...little...monsters!" and then toppled forward as green gas exited.

"Dude!" James high fived Chad. "Stink bombs are the...bomb!"

"Dude, so clever!"

There was a five second pause as the two Jocks took their place at the front. Rachel and Tina's eyes slid towards each other and they smirked.

...

 _"Meanwhile, on the ground, Flight Two is getting ready to take off. And while some are taking it well, others...not so much."_

"I can't TAKE IT!" howled Leonardo. Toni looked sheepishly at the stewardess and dragged him aside.

"Listen to me!" Toni poked him in the chest. "We need to calm down and focus on the race! We knew we would have to fly at some point!"

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PUTTING THAT FINGER!" snapped Leonardo, but none the less, he sat down and sulked quietly. Both he and Toni stared in bafflement as Bouncy hurried towards the back of the plane.

...

Flip-Flop: So when Bouncy gets nervous...which is rare because most times we can't actually tell, but mostly on planes, he tends to pull out this hip-flask and start drinking. It's not actually alcohol, it's punch, but...well, to be a clown in our profession, you need a strong control over your inhibitions when drinking anything vaguely alcoholic and...well he doesn't. *Bouncy has been staring at her this whole time, tapping his foot* What? It's true!

...

Elsewhere, Gwen was listening to her CD player as Trent was continuing their chat with the Odd Couple. "So, how'd you two meet?"

"Well, we'd both been in each other's classes for a while. One day, Alice saw me getting picked on by a bunch of girls, kinda like the Popular Chicks?" Trent nodded as Ellie continued. "Anyway, she swore at them a bit and got them to drop me." Ellie held Alice's hand. "And then she sat down and talked to me!"

"Oh come on. I wasn't the only one who cared."

"You were." Ellie smiled. "And it was just nice to have someone who didn't judge you for what you liked or what you thought about."

Trent smirked. "Aw, that's sweet." He paused. "Look. I don't want to sound rude but-"

At that moment, the turbines started. While they were clearly talking, the camera was unable to pick up the sound. The teachers gripped their seats and let out a high pitched scream, and Brick closed his eyes.

 **.** **...**

 **"And thanks to certain problems, it means a long wait for Flight Three."**

"THIS IS TOTAL GARBAGE!" Guzzle slammed her fist into the metal pole, leaving a massive fist sized dent in it. "How did we manage to fall so far!?"

"Calm down." spoke Tiger grimly. "We lose our tempers now, they may not let us on the flight." He turned and glared at a unfortunate luggage handler, who squeaked and ran away. He ran past the Social Workers, who were sitting depressed.

"Can't believe you got us stuck in the gosh darn DUMBWAITER!" shrieked Ginger.

"Me!? You were the one who said that needs must when-"

"Don't you try and shift the blame! I put up with enough of that from the kids, I do not need you doing it!"

"They'd make great chefs." Nigella muttered to Gordon. In the corner, Siggy was looking intently at the Superheroes. Terrance looked as though he would rather be anywhere else than listening to Thomas extol the wonders of what they were going to be doing.

"Clearly had issues with the male figure of power in his house." Siggy muttered almost sub-consciously. Carly shook her head.

...

 **"The first flight has just landed in Bern Switzerland, and the first six teams must rush to get the first Don Box of this leg of the race."**

Two tourists entering the airport were practically knocked down by the first six teams. In the lead were the Spies, but with a roar that would make Godzilla jealous, Angela bowled them both down and slammed her hand down so hard on the Don Box's buzzer that it let out a whimper. Picking it up, Angela dragged Sally away from the others.

"We need to take a Taxi to the SRC Headquarters!" She paused and raised a eyebrow. "Not sure what that is."

...

 _"In World War 2, Switzerland helped out soldiers by creating the Red Cross, a organization dedicated to helping those in need with care packages. Teams must head to the SRC Headquarters, where the day to day handling of the Red Cross is handled, to reach the next part of their challenge."_

...

"Come on, come on!" Sally panted as her mother pushed her on verbally. They got into a taxi, and were just about to pull off when the Inventors spotted that there were two seats free and managed to roll in after them.

"Don't mind, do you?" Carter asked cheerfully.

Angela ground her teeth.

...

Angela: I don't trust anyone.

Sally: True.

Angela: But I especially don't trust people who act all nicey nicey all the time. They're the ones who you should watch out for. And those Inventors look like they could be amongst the worst!

Sally: We could always ally with them?

Angela: We're doing this ON OUR OWN, Missy! Alliances are for weak people, and we're not weak!

...

The Jocks stuck their tongues out as the Spies rushed up towards the taxi. "Losers!"

Patrick suddenly grinned. "You're the real losers!" he shouted, affecting a horrible accent. "Bet you can't run to the HQ and beat us!"

There was a pause, and then both Jocks leaped out of the Taxi and started jogging. Norman smirked. "Like taking candy from a baby." They climbed into the now empty cab and drove off in hot pursuit of the first one.

...

 **"Through the magic of editing, the first two teams have arrived at the SRC HQ to gain their next tip! Wow that is a lot of letters!"**

Wendy slapped down her hand on the buzzer and ripped the tip off. "It's a Botch or Watch!"

"So soon!" gasped Carter..

 _"A Botch or Watch is where only one team mate can compete. In this case, teams must now take help the Red Cross. This Red Cross worker will hand one member of the teams a list of things to put into a car package. They must then pack the package themselves, taking care to make sure that it matches the correct specifications for safety. Once they have been completed seven packages to a good enough standard, the worker will hand over their next tip."_

"I've packed enough lunches for you over the years, I'll do it!" Angela pushed Sally back and then walked over to grab the list. Sally sighed, squeezed her stress ball and turned back to see Carter and Wendy playing rock paper scissors. Wendy won, and with a cheerful whoop, hurried over.

Carter leaned back. "So. Just us two."

"Ehehe, yeah..." Sally swallowed. Talking was not her strong suit. "Uh, hey, sorry for mom. She can get a little bit...obsessed with stuff like this."

"Hey, it's cool. I mean you did help us in New York!" Carter grinned. "Thanks for that by the way. Other people would have just ignored us."

"Well...I-I mean it just seemed like you needed help." Sally coughed. "So how did you and Wendy meet?"

"Sure you want to know?"

"Yeah! Why not, sounds like fun."

"Okay then, well-"

...

Elsewhere, the Jocks hit the brakes and looked around.

"Uh, Chad?" James said. "I think we may be lost."

"DAMN YOU MAILMEN!" howled Chad, always a slightly more dramatic person than his partner. He looked up in horror to see a second plane touch down. "The next six teams are here!"

...

 **"Thanks for that Chad, doing my job for me. As he said, the next six teams on Flight 2 have arrived and are already getting into taxi's."**

The air was filled with the sounds of buzzers going off, and then a moment later by taxi doors slamming shut. There was a squealing of tires as they set off. While some taxis went down side streets, two taxis containing one team in each went down the same one.

Harry looked back at the faces of the Circus Freaks. "Hey Tim!" Tim glanced back to see Bouncy leaning out and throwing a custard pie at them. Harry smirked and waved back. "Ha! You missed, genius!" He then noticed the back of his window was beginning to melt.

"Sorry!" shouted Flip-Flop as their taxi overtook the Teachers.

...

"All right, we've got toothbrush, specific type of toothpaste-" Wendy searched through the various boxes that an intern provided and picked up the two items she had mentioned. "Okay, what- HEY!"

"Didn't say we couldn't!" smirked Angela deviously, as she ran off with the toothpaste in her hand. Wendy grimaced, almost rushed after her and then shrugged it off and began searching through the boxes.

By this time, every other team from Flight 1 bar the Jocks was also searching through the building for what they needed. Tina was asking Charles to help find her items as well as his own, and was mostly relaxing and winking flirtatiously with the workers. Meanwhile, Norman getting there.

"One packet of crisps, must not be nut flavored!" Norman looked around and grabbed a packet at random. "Okay, put it in and there we go! Five packages done, two to go!"

"Shouldn't you look at the stuff we're throwing in here?"

"Patrick old chum, does it really matter?"

Patrick rolled his eyes. He then spotted the Circus Freaks, Reality Show Ex's and Flower Cadets running in "Come on, let's just keep moving!"

"So do you want to do this?" Gwen asked. "I know you remember some details that I can't."

"Sure! Stand back!" Trent hurried forward, followed quickly by Bouncy who kept the same expression of boredom on his face.

"Okay, okay, do you want to do this one, Brick? I mean, you have been a cadet, so i assume you know about packing rations and so on-" She looked around. "Oh. Okay then."

...

Molly: Brick and me were a...bit shocked to be paired up together, but I think we're coming along.

Brick: MAM YES MAM! *has blown Molly off her chair by the force of his own voice* Oops.

Molly: *pulls herself back up* Early days.

...

 **"Meanwhile, the Jocks are still lost in the city. Heh. Good luck to them."**

"DO! YOU! SPEAK! EN-GA-LISH?" roared Chad as a old man looked slightly befuddled and scared.

"Didn't you learn anything from last time fool! They don't speak our proper language!"

Unfortunately for them, someone walking past did, took off his coat and started walking towards the two jocks. Neither wanted to tangle with him, so they raced off.

"Dude, how long have we been stuck here!?"

James raised his watch and checked. "I don't know! It broke when we detonated that stink bomb!"

...

"What's wrong with this?!" Norman demanded as the worker refused to give him the tip. "THESE ARE THE BEST DAMN PACKAGES I'VE EVER HANDLED!" Ellie and Toni started sniggering quietly. "IT IS NOT! FUNNY!" Patrick grabbed hold of Norman and pulled him back.

"Okay, okay listen to me. I know what it is. The crisps you put in package 5, it's got buts in there! Just open it up, swap them around and then just refix it!"

"YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, PATRICK!"

"No, but the boss of you will get very cross if you don't do it! Capische?" Norman muttered under his breath but did as he was told. Much to their displeasure, the worker moved on to inspect Angela's packages and approved. He handed the tip over and was almost knocked over as Angela rushed over to her daughter, who was still in deep conversation with Carter.

"-so then I threw this lettuce in the air!" Both laughed, before Sally let out a yelp as Angela grabbed her and pulled her over. Waving, Sally tripped over her own feet and looked up to see Angela reading the clue.

"It's a continuation of the last task! But luckily, it's a All In! And it involves a...Ambulance?"

...

 **"In this task, teams must take a ambulance helpfully provided by the Red Cross and deliver their packages to seven different locations to be mailed off to. One will direct the ambulance driver, the other will have to use their physicality to run back and forth the ambulance. But if one package gets damaged to such a extent that the ambulance driver does not approve, they must race back to the headquarters and make up another one."**

...

"Mom, you're good at directions! I'm...I'm good at running, so I'll deliver the packages!"

"Sounds fair!" Angela pointed a finger. "Don't screw this up!"

"No mom." Sally sighed sadly. "No, of course not." Both hurried over to one of the ambulances provided. As they got in, they spotted Chad and James running around in circles in confusion. Angela honked the horn, and both Jocks jumped back in terror.

And then they stared at the Red Cross Headquarters. They both rushed in.

...

Chad: So we're not the best at directions. Or at asking for them. Or foreign languages.

James: Honestly, why would you even need them for going around the world?!

*Both pause. Even they can tell how stupid that statement is*

...

"Oh dear lord- Look who just turned up." Norman winced as the Jocks hurried in. "Comeoncomeon!"

The worker paused, inspected the packages...and then gave a thumbs up. The Spies took off in a hurry, leaving the Jocks fuming and glaring after them. They suddenly looked up as the sound of a plane nearing echoed across the town.

...

 _"And unluckily for the Jocks, the final flight has just landed! Now all eighteen teens are in with a chance of getting in first."_

The Bikers had taken control of their own Taxi, and were using it to their advantage. With a roar, Guzzle sent their Taxi careening into the Chefs, knocking their taxi into a lamp-post. Nigella's scream echoed around the town. She then spotted the Teachers, also glaring angrily at their Taxi. Both teams looked at each other, then at the rapidly vanishing teams that remained.

"Alliance?" asked Gordon.

"Alliance." agreed Tim.

At the center, Derek packed so quickly that even the worker seemed surprised.

...

Rodeny: My pa always packed my lunches when I went out into the big world.

Derek: S'true.

...

 **"And as more-"** The Inventors moved on, followed quickly by the Reality Show Ex's. **"-and more teams finish off their packages and get their ambulances-"** Molly and Brick high fived each other as they did theirs. **"-the race for first heats up."**

Out on the streets, Angela had just ordered the driver to stop outside of a hospital, where there was a large box full of packages being attended by two citizens. There was only space for one left. Sally dismounted from the ambulance and ran over to hand over the package.

The worker looked over it, examined how it looked...and nodded. Sally ran back to the ambulance and they started to pull away when from the other direction came at least three ambulances!

Angela screamed and wrenched the ambulance to the side, narrowly avoiding both workers and crashing into the car. The remainder of the packages wobbled and tumbled off the shelves. Sally dived forward and grabbed hold of them.

The Flower-Cadets winced. "Sorry!" called out Molly.

"HIPPIES!" screeched Angela. She turned to see the angry owner of the car walking up and tapping his foot. "What?! DO YOU WANT TO START, BUSTER?!"

...

Brick: Remind me to never be a part of her unit.

...

Gwen: Did you see how PURPLE she got?!

Trent: Wish I'd brought a camera! *Both laugh, and seem relaxed in this brief moment*

...

Then, three ambulances rolled out. Inside were the Popular Chicks, the Fanboys and the Social Workers. The latter two were still at each other's throats.

"This is your fault!" snarled Ginger. "How the heck did we come behind them!?"

"Nearly all the other teams are gone!" snapped Liam. "And you were the one who was doing the packing! I assumed all that practice with the kids and their lunches would have prepared you! Or maybe it was just the fact that you didn't have vomit dripping from your hair!"

Ginger growled and...then stared as the Superheroes in Training sped past all of them.

"What?!" shouted Tina, and Rachel honked the horn in anger.

...

Terrance; So we had a problem, our driver ended up needing a actual ambulance himself. But luck was on our side! So it turns out that Speed Demon over here knows how to drive. I'm impressed. I thought tricycles were more your thing.

Thomas: I had to LEARN! Because you know what? Superheroes are nothing without their rides! I shall call it the Speedmobile! ...You can have a Punchcycle!

Terrance: And my respect for you decreases once again. All is right with the world.

...

By this point, Bern was beginning to think there was some weird and strange ambulance festivals that had come to town. While there were those that were relatively nice about it-

...

"It's for charity." explained Alice sweetly.

"Yeah, uh, and if you point us in the right direction...you'll be a good person!" Ellie stumbled over her words. The elderly couple, however, nodded and began helping them deliver the packages.

...

-and there were those who just had to look at you and you'd stop asking questions-

...

One citizen walked up and opened his mouth. Nigella looked him dead in the eye with a look of pure loathing and hatred. The citizen ran off.

...

-there were still one or two groups that were struggling.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT ONE!?" screamed James.

"Nothing." said the worker in heavily accented English. "I just don't like your attitude."

Chad grit his teeth and grabbed the tip, and read it. "You deliver. I tell." he said with determination. James didn't want to argue anymore than he actually had to, so they got in the ambulance. "Right, now, we're still ahead of the Teachers!"

Their ambulance coughed as the driver turned the key. The engine started, spluttered, moaned and died.

"OH HECK IN A HANDBASKET!"

There was a much more confident sound, as the Teachers and their ambulance roared into life. James screamed, got out and kicked the ambulance. This kick-started the engine back into life.

...

 **"Meanwhile, others are finishing the second challenge, and are about to get their hands on their final tip for this leg of the race."**

"Thank you! Yes, you're welcome!" Sally darted back into the ambulance. "All done!"

"You took your time." Angela snapped, and Sally drooped. "Still. We're in first. That's a good sign." She grabbed the tip from the unfortunate ambulance driver, who had sustained quite a long ordeal of having his ears nagged off by the woman, and read it. "This is the last section until we get to the chill zone! Ding Dong?"

...

 _"Located in Bern is the Old City, a picturesque reminder of olden days. Known for how it has remained the same since the middle ages, teams must not traverse the town in their not suited ambulances to find the Clock Tower, where they must race up it to reach the Chill Zone! In first place at the moment are the Stage-mily."_

...

Even as the ambulance drove away, another couple of teams were completing their own last stops. Flip Flop had just managed to use her feet to place a package into the hands of a old woman, Charlie had just finished doing both the Fanboys and the Popular Chick's work for them and in the section of town rather close to the Old City, Gwen had placed their final package down, while Molly followed seconds later.

To the surprised citizens of the city, the road looked like a car accident waiting to happen, as six ambulances smacked together repeatedly. Angela ripped her shoe off, leaned across and shattered the window of the next ambulance over. Molly shrieked in shock and jumped back.

Brick suddenly saw red. "YOU HOOLIGAN!" He rushed over, stared at Angela and calmly said. "Don't you dare, marm!"

Molly smiled. "Thanks Brick!"

"No problem! Now, are you hurt? Let me make sure! Oh if only we had a ambulance of some sort!"

There was a beat as both of them realized what he had just said, and both started sniggering.

Meanwhile, the Fanboys had launched a attack upon the Reality Ex's. Gwen groaned, and looked at Trent. "Is that guitar worth a lot?"

"Millions!" Trent paused. "So let's put it to some good use!" Both grinned, and Gwen swung open a hatch on the roof. As they climbed out, they heard the Popular Chicks urging the Fanboys on.

"Ha! We hated your romance in Season 1!" mocked Dan.

"Yeah! You should get back with Duncan! He's the only one who really- EEP!" Charles narrowly avoided getting smacked in the face with the guitar.

"I decide who I want to be with! Not you!" Gwen growled, as she pulled out a can of mace.

"Why do you even have that?"

"Fans are rather...possessive."

Flip Flop watched as the other teams began clashing, and sped up. Bouncy, for the first time, seemingly smirked. Then his eyes widened and he honked his horn.

"Huh? Cobblestones? Shoot, you're right! Hold on tight Bouncy!" And the ambulance began bouncing up and down as it rolled there. The others weren't handling so well as the Circus Freaks. The Fanboys and Reality Ex's held on for dear life, and Angela's shoe sailed through the air to hit the driver of the Flower Cadet's ambulance in the face.

"Oh no!" shouted Molly.

"Not to worry! Part of training was using a military ambulance, it can't be as bad as all that!" Molly pulled the driver out and Brick took control.

"There it is!" howled Rachel, and Flip Flop swerved into the car park. Both leaped out and started running, followed by the mixed up teams. Angela winced as she walked with only one shoe on, far back.

...

Dawn looked down. "Here they come!"

The herd of racers rushed up the stairs to the top of the Clock Tower. At last, one team pulled ahead and-

"Flip Flop and Bouncy! Welcome to first!" Don said.

"And in second, Molly and Brick!" Dawn gave a thumbs up. "I sense this race will provide you with what you're looking for."

Molly squealed and hugged Brick tight. Seconds later, Sally ran up. "Third place! Not bad."

"I'm sorry Sally. But you're on your own. We can't officially count you as the winner until your mom gets here." Don smirked as they struggled through. "Gwen! Trent! Third place!"

"I'll take it." Gwen collapsed to her knees and coughed.

"And Rachel and Tina take fourth! And Charles and Dan, fifth!" Dawn tilted her head. "And here comes Angela!"

Wincing and gasping for breath, the mother collapsed onto the Carpet of Completion. "Sixth place? SIXTH PLACE!?"

...

Angela: Sally would like to say something.

Sally: *sighs* I would like to apologize for how I let us down in the task today. And that I should have tried harder.

Angela: Never sixth place again!

...

 **"More teams arrive, and the race for not last continues on!**

 **The Inventors, 7th!**

 **The Odd Couple, 8th!**

 **The Spies, 9th!"**

...

Patrick: How did we come in last, you may ask?

Norman: Blame the Superfreaks! Yeah, for whatever reason, they thought we were in trouble.

Patrick: So they helped us by marching us over to the police station. Nearly blew our covers!

...

Another team rushed in and fell to their knees. Seconds later, a second. _"And the Social Workers take 10th, while the Therapists take a measly 11th!"_

"DAMN YOU!" howled Siggy to no one in particular.

...

"Come on! Come on!" Another three ambulances were racing down the cobbles.

...

Nigella: The teachers were surprisingly helpful. It helps that they actually knew where each stop was, because someone here can't read a map!

Gordon: Do you want us to burn down THIS STUDIO AS WELL!?

Nigella: Yes!

...

Harry: Surprisngly, the Chefs weren't too bad.

Tim: Compared to some of the other teams, that is. We're looking at you, clown.

Harry: Those circus freaks will PAY for what they did! PAY!

...

The Farmers entered next. "Twelfth!" called out Don. Suddenly, the sound of flashing cameras and hustling reporters caught their attention. "AH, clearly the welcome wagon was just a bit late!" Don posed, but was horrified to see that Leo and Toni were the focus of their attention. Well, Leo anyway.

Dawn patted him on the back. "One of these days." She called out "Movie Stars at thirteen!"

"WE'RE DOOMED!" shouted Leo.

...

Leo: Superstition's are not to messed with! I said good luck to a fellow actor, he broke his entire leg.

Toni: Only reason we were thirteenth was because you were posing like a peacock for the crowd.

Leo: Don't hate!"

...

Another team raced up and landed on the carpet. "We're here!" growled Guzzle.

"Guzzle and Tiger. You were the fourteenth team to arrive-" Both breathed a sigh of relief. "-however, you did break a rule. You rode here on your bikes, when I specifically stated that you needed the ambulance."

"YOU WANNA MESS WITH US?!" growled Tiger.

"Contract says you can't touch me, so...ten minute penalty."

The door opened, and staggering in, both Chefs and Teachers crash landed on the carpet.

"And in ACTUAL fourteenth place, is the Teachers, followed by the Chefs in fifteenth!"

Both teams high fived, and then cowered before the glare of the Bikers.

...

"Okay, so that wrong turn almost screwed us over! Lighten up!" Terrance ignored Thomas. "Wait, there it is!" Both jumped out, but suddenly, from out of nowhere the Jocks floored the ambulance down the street. They left their ambulance driver traumatized and raced after the Superheroes.

"How did you catch up!?"

"We were awesome!" The Jocks darted forward, rushing past both men. The Puncher growled and punched out, tripping Chad and gaining the lead once more.

...

"Your penalty is almost up!"

10.

The two teams rounded the last set of stairs.

9.

The Bikers tensed.

8.

The door swung open-

7.

-hit the Jocks in the face-

6.

-allowing the Superheroes to pass through.

5.

They raced forward.

4.

The Jocks were catching up!

3.

The Bikers looked back and forth.

2.

"HEY! SOMEONE'S IN TROUBLE!"

1.

Norman's shout echoed, and Thomas stopped mid run to turn.

0.

The Bikers lunged forward, landing on the carpet. Seconds later, the Jocks cleared the Superheroes in Training and hit the carpet.

"Bikers, sixteenth, and Jocks...seventeenth!"

Both sank to the ground in relief. Terrance, meanwhile, stared in bafflement as Thomas ran off in see where the person who needed his help was. Don patted him on teh back. "Sorry to tell you this. But you're out."

"Good luck." Dawn said. "Trust me, your friend and you have to stick together."

"Oh no!" howled Terrance.

...

*Over a montage of their failures*

Thomas: So that could have gone better

Terrance: THIS SUPER HERO CRAP COST US THE RACE.

Thomas: We gained something special from the experience.

Terrance: I didn't!

Thomas: Friends-

Terrance: NO. NO I'M DONE.

Thomas: Wait! Buddy! Come back! *Terrance runs off, chased by Thomas*

...

 **"Their journey is over! Who is next?"**

 _"I know!"_

 **"But don't spoil it for all those who are going to tune in next time on the...RIDONCULOUS RACE!"**

...

Yeah, the Superheroes were pretty much canon fodder. Glad to get them out of the way.


	3. Ep 3: Yungas to be Kidding Me! P1

**"Last time on the Ridonculous Race! The Eighteen teams made their first trip via airplane! Some took it well...others not so much! When they landed, it was a race through Switzerland, so that they could cross- Heh, get it because it was the Red Cross, and I said, I said, Shut Up Dawn- everything off their list. While Angela's forceful personality shined through, in the end the Circus Freaks took first place thanks to Angela's own anger! Not that she would admit that. And in the end, Norman took advantage of the idiocy of the Superheroes in Training to trick them into eliminating themselves. One team's gone up, up and away, but who will be the next! Find out on-"**

 _"THE RIDONCULOUS RACE!"_

 **"WHY DAWN!?"**

...

*Cue intro*

...

The Old Town of Bern was still, as though the entire town was collectively holding their breath and waiting for the strangers to get the hell out of there so that life could return to normal. Don, sipping from a glass, walked out. "As the first team to arrive, the Circus Freaks get an advantage."

Bouncy yawned, and pressed the button. Flip-Flop grabbed the travel tip and read aloud. "Make your way to the nearest airport and book yourself on a flight to...Bolivia?!"

...

"That's right. Bolivia. Rich in minerals, and richer in culture, this country contains several dozen different languages, and the auras of all the people here suggest that there are nearly eleven million in the country. But the teams won't be travelling today to Sucre, the capital city, but instead to the forest region of Yungas! Whereupon they will receive their second tip!"

...

"Come on Bouncy, I can see the Flower Cadets!" Flip Flop grabbed him by the hand and lead him off quickly. Brick grabbed the tip, scanned it and showed it to Molly.

"Great! Forests! Now this is what I'm used to!"

"Really, me too!" Molly smiled. "So, uh, like what do you do there?"

"Train! Run, climb, struggle! I've been training in over a dozen forests across the country! What do you do?"

"...Hug trees." Molly laughed awkardly. "Yeah, I know. Freaky."

"What you do with trees in your own time is YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND NO ONE ELSE SHOULD JUDGE MAM!" Brick saluted.

"Easy there, soldier! Come on! If we hurry, we can catch up to them." Molly turned around. "Oh great, here come the Ex's, Popular Chicks and Fanboys! Go go go!"

The three teams were pretty much neck and neck. At least until the Fanboys suspiciously tripped over what appeared to be the leg of Rachel. They tumbled to the ground, bringing Trent and Gwen down with them.

"Thanks!" Tina snapped the travel tip, read it and ran off.

...

Charles; We've worked out that the girls have a crush on us.

Dan: How could they not? Look at us! We are specimens of men right here!

Charles: Besides, it's not their fault we fell over! Probably just a accident. I mean, they're pretty, smart, nice...we could rock this season with a alliance!

Dan: And having seen all the seasons before hand...well, let's just say we won't be falling for any tricks.

...

Rachel: So they've fallen for our tricks.

Tina: Pretty much.

...

As the Stage-mily hurried over to get their tip, the Inventors walked out of the Chill Zone. As they walked up behind them, Carter waved to Sally. Sally blushed, looked around and waved back.

"Come on missy!" Angela grabbed her daughter by the arm. "i am NOT coming in sixth again!" The mother practically manhandled her daughter into the taxi cab, and angrily let out a roar of "DRIVE MAN DRIVE!"

The Inventors looked at each other and shrugged.

...

Meanwhile, at the nearest airport, a stewardess opened up the door and was flattened by Rachel and Tina's heels. "Out of the way PEASANT!" screeched Rachel.

"AND YOUR SHOES LOOK TERRIBLE!" added Tina. Both laughed as they rushed to the front desk...and then stopped dead as they saw the Reality Show Ex's and Flower Cadets standing there in front of them. "Wait, how did you get ahead of us?"

"I actually played a concert here before." Trent smiled in a laid-back way. "And when you've been chased by as many screaming fangirls I have, you tend to learn where the short cuts are." Gwen gave him a look. "What? It's true!"

"Sure, Romeo."

"Wait." Molly looked around "Where are the Circus Freaks?"

...

"Come on Bouncy!"

HONK.

"Don't take that tone of language with me! We're nearly there, we LITERALLY just have to go across there." Flip Flop wiped her sweat covered brow as Bouncy pulled out a hip flask filled with punch and began downing it. Suddenly, she smirked. "Oh, did I forget? Bolivia's known for it's punch!"

Bouncy paused mid-sip, and rushed over to the queue. Flip-Flop suddenly glanced around. "Okay, so we've got the Populars, the Flower-Cadets and Reality Show Ex's! Funny, could have sworn the Fanboys were with them."

...

Outside the airport, Charles and Dan leaned back on the taxi and sighed cheerfully.

"Wow." Dan muttered. "Those girls are taking a long time ordering their tickets."

"Yeah!" Charles agreed. "If they don't hurry up, we may miss the plane!"

Suddenly, there was a sound like a herd of rampaging elephants, and both screamed in terror as a huge army of Taxis drove forward, slamming into each other and wrestling for the closest parking space.

In the chaos of police and racers alike arguing, Angela stormed through, batting away anyone who tried to come near her with what appeared to be a novelty umbrella. "IN NOW!" She shrieked, and Sally quickly did so.

When the Fanboys woke up from their terror-induced faints five minutes later, they awoke to the sight of a plane flying over their heads.

...

"THEY WHAT!?" Don sweated. "Listen, don't worry! We'll put the rest of them on a flight specially for them! That way, if anyone gets hurt, you won't have any trouble! Hahahahah you're not laughing, okay, good talk, bye!"

Don slammed down the phone. Seconds later, it rang. Growling, he picked it up. "Yes!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"ME?!" Don was outraged. "It was those crazy lunatics and their competitiveness that ended up causing chaos! It's not my fault that they ended up butchering some bird or something!"

Dawn's glare could be felt on the phone. "What bird?"

"Now, uh, I didn't-"

"YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAWS OF MOTHER NAT-" Don shut off the phone.

"Now, thanks to some-" He cringed. "-understanding officials, the remaining twelve teams are being transported via a emergency jumbo jet for just such a situation! And thanks to it's speed, it'll get there roughly the same time as the first jet."

...

 **"Meanwhile, the first five teams relax and chill out on their way to Bolivia."**

"Get your own spa treatment!" spat Rachel.

"I PAID FOR FIRST CLASS FOR ME, AND I WILL ENJOY IT!" roared back Angela, already dropping her bag and pulled out her fake ten inch nails to use as weapons of mass destruction.

"You want to fight!" Tina applied a new coat of lip gloss and then tossed it aside into a poor stewardess's eye. "We'll fight!"

Meanwhile, back in second class, Sally began squeezing her stress ball again.

...

Sally: When I was...younger, I tended to get more than a little bit...over emotional about things.

Angela: One time, after swimming her five mile challenge for the seventh time, she actually bit one of the swimming instructors.

Sally: Not like you've ever let me down. So the therapist I visited said that I should carry this around with me. *holds up stress ball* Pretty much keeps me focused and stops me thinking of all the terrifying pressure that I'm under.

Angela: AHEM.

Sally: That WE'RE under.

...

Elsewhere, as the fight grew worse (By now fake tans were flying everywhere.) Brick and Molly were relaxing back.

"So." Brick said suddenly. "How'd you meet Dawn?"

"Oh, uh...well I was going through a pretty rough time of things, and I went to a talk she was holding." Molly shifted. "And uh, she stayed behind. And we talked...and I liked her. And she obviously liked me, because she invited me to come with her to this retreat thing...and it was awesome!"

"Oh." Brick smiled. "That is nice... so can you read Auras, like her?"

"Oh no!" Molly laughed. "No, that's...that's a Dawn thing-"

Bouncy suddenly honked his horn for silence, and gestured towards the TV.

"-the cast of the Ridonculous Race were responsible for a pile up outside a airport today. Quoth the host, it was those crazy lunatics and their competiveness that ended up causing chaos-"

Gwen groaned. "Oh. Terrific."

"We run." Trent said grimly. "I'll hold them off if I have to."

"Don't be a hero Trent!" Gwen paused. "No matter how sweet it is!" She frowned. "Why did I say that!?"

Sally glanced out the window. "Almost there, almost there." She chanted to herself. She sighed. "Oh, if only that nice guy Carter was here-" She had a sudden glance of Carter waving from inside a sleek black jet that was going rather fast before it vanished within seconds. She rubbed her eyes, looked again and started squeezing her stressball again. "I'm having a bad day, I'm having a bad day-" She chanted.

...

Meanwhile, on the other plane, things were getting freaky. Not like that.

"You know, I'm beginning to think that the anger of most of the other teams comes down to a basic lack of attention from their mother." commented Siggy. Carly rolled her eyes and tried in vain to go to sleep.

Rodney stood up, and promptly put his head through the roof. Derek, waking up from a snooze, looked at his son's head sticking into the overhead compartment, shrugged and went back to sleep. Elsewhere, the Teachers and Social Workers were chatting.

"Can this plane go any slower!?" snapped Ginger.

"It's the pilot." Harry muttered grimly and in a tone of voice that suggested a lot of depression. "It's probably because of how fast we got on here."

"That's no excuse!" snapped Tim. "The woman is right! We should order him to go faster! I don't take no sass from the boys at my school!"

"Did you just unironically use the word sass?" Liam raised a eyebrow.

Patrick, overhearing this, stealthily got up and headed over towards the cockpit. He barely noticed anyone else, so he didn't see the Biker steaming quietly and waiting for the plane to land. Wendy frowned as he passed her, then did a double take. "Can it-" She stood up. "Carter, stay here a moment, I've got to check something out."

"M'kay." Carter groaned as once again the batteries slipped from the back of his model generator.

Ellie knocked on the toilet door. "Alice...Alice? You can come out now."

There was a pause, and then a choked voice. "No, not yet! I like it in here."

Ellie sighed. "Oh jeez. Hold up." She opened the toilet door and entered, sitting down next to a slightly teary Alice. She wrapped a arm around her. "Hey. Hey it's okay. We'll be there in half a hour. Then we can get out of here and do the race." She gestured to the camera, and they reluctantly turned away.

Carly perked up. "Ah, young love." She nudged Siggy. "Hey, what does your precious Freud say about that?!"

Siggy had no chance to respond, for suddenly the plane sped up even more and rushed onwards.

...

AND VIA THE MAGIC OF EDITING.

...

The Ridonculous Race Jet landed down with a bump. The pilot, having been persuaded to leave the cockpit for a moment, staggered out in some confusion, and was then crushed under foot by the other teams rushing down the stairway to reach the first Don Box.

By luck, the first one to grab the tip was Siggy, and so the two Therapists rushed off. "Okay, okay, says here that it's...okay, what is...oh. OH NO."

"What?" Carly grabbed it and read it aloud. "Make your way to the checkpoint and travel across...the Death Road?"

...

 _"The Death Road. Or by it's actual name, Yungas Road, is a road connecting La Paz to Coricio! It's also the site of many, many accidents. Condolences to those who have...not made it."_ Dawn paused. _"Why are we making them do this again? Anyway, teams must then make their way to the end of the North Road in some of the most damaged cars we could find to find their next Don Box, and their next tip."_

...

As everyone read their tips, they grew steadily more and more terrified.

"DEATH ROAD?!" screamed Alice. She turned, before Ellie grabbed her and started to calm her down. Meanwhile, Derek was sweating up a storm, and both Teachers and Social Workers were calling their families to let them know that they loved them.

Patrick stepped out of the cockpit, relaxed his fingers and glanced at Wendy. "Don't know why you're following we, miss." He said, putting on a truly terrible southern drawl. "I'm just a humble mail man."

"A humble mail man who knows how to fly a plane, is British and just so happens to look like a friend of my uncle's?"

"Oh, and who is y'all Uncle!"

"...Stop. Just, just stop. Uncle T. He works for MI6." Patrick froze. "Yeah, he actually showed me a couple of photos of the Christmas Party you were at one or two days ago."

Norman, overhearing this, grabbed Patrick and dragged him away. "Wonderfultoseeyoubyebye!" He bundled Patrick into a taxi and gestured on.

"Guys! We better get a move on!" snapped Tim. "I can see the other plane coming in!"

This made everyone pull their socks up, and they ran for taxi's and any other kind of transportation to the Death Road. As the last team left, the plane touched down and the former first five teams got out.

"How did they, like, beat us?" snapped Rachel.

"I don't, like, understand! Now the Fanlosers are ahead of us!" Tina gasped. "I wonder if they like hold a grudge!"

"They better not girl!"

"Oh shut up!" snapped Gwen as she ripped her tip. "Come on Trent!"

"I'm coming!" protested the singer as he raced after her. Rachel and Tina hissed at Gwen, and then changed their attention and their hissing to Angela, who stepped off the plane with a attempt to be a little bit dignified despite the fact that there was half a salad fork sticking out of her hair. The girls weren't too hot either, as their makeup had been smudged and there was a black circle that was almost definitely not eye shadow.

...

"Wait, the Mailmen aren't...Mailmen?"

"I'm sure! Look, my uncle came over quite a lot for my...you know-" Wendy lifted her robotic arm. "-this. He came over a bit and showed me a couple of photos while I was relaxing. And I'm almost positive that I saw Patrick in one of them! Full tux, gun and all!"

"So, what, ally with them?" Carter frowned "Alliances this early on, couldn't that backfire on us?"

"It could." Wendy admitted. "But friendships?"

Carter shrugged. "You have me there." He glanced back. "Say, uh, are we going faster than everyone else?"

Wendy turned around. "We're in the lead! Yes!" She frowned. "Didn't it go wrong for us last time we were in the lead?"

"It did. Ah well, what's the worst that could happen."

...

2 MINUTES LATER.

Both stared at the Death Road. "We have to go...ACROSS THAT?!"

More taxis pulled up, and out ran Siggy and Carly. "How did you beat us?!" Siggy gasped. "We were out first!"

"Maybe it was because we had to stop for you to advertise yourself?!" snapped Carly.

"Can't help it. They want a doc, they get one."

Behind them were the Social Workers and Teachers.

...

Ginger: We allied with the teachers for a number of reasons. One, we're all victims of children, and we victims need to stick together. Working like us will turn you white.

Liam: Secondly, they also happen to be one of the more stronger teams physically that don't appear to be nuts. I'm looking at you, bikers.

Ginger: And thirdly, you seen Harry's guns? Me likey!

...

Harry: We allied with the social workers for one reason, and one reason only.

Tim: Easy to manipulate. Should have seen them at the Chill Zone last night. They nearly mauled each other to death.

Harry: So, they help us, we help them...into the next flight home.

...

Tim stared. "Are- ARE THOSE-" He pointed a shaking hand at the cars. To call them damaged would be a insult to the word. At least one door is hanging off the side like someone went at it with a knife. Most of the glass appeared to have vanished, and there was a distinct smell of blood about them.

"On the plus side." deadpanned Carly. "We go through the windscreen, we won't have the glass to worry about."

"Well, who wants to go first?" Silence. Carter looked around. "What, no o-"

A taxi slammed it's brakes, and out stepped the Bikers. Tiger and Guzzle looked up and down the road, then at each other. They walked over to the car, climbed in and drove off, tires squealing.

There was a short sharp silence.

"Well that happened." Wendy muttered.

More silence.

"HEY! They're ahead of us!" Tim rushed into their car. "I'll drive! You grab onto the edge of the road if we fall off!"

"Slightly optimistic of you."

"JUST DO IT HARRY!"

...

Up ahead, the Bikers sat in complete silence.

A slow whimper came from the cameraman. "Man up!" snarled Guzzle.

...

Guzzle: They expect us to be scared of this?!

Tiger: Have you see some of the bikers we all have to hang out with? This is child's play!

Guzzle: Best way to educate children is to take them on this road. It's like life in it's own way. *Both stare creepily at the camera*

...

"SLOW DOWN NORMAN!"

"We can't! We have to get away before that Wendy girl pulls the plug on our mission!" Norman turned to Patrick. "What did you say!?"

"Nothing! Her uncle happens to be T! Of all the rotten luck the drunken old tool showed her photos of us!"

"OH FISH AND CHIPS!" roared Norman in the most British way possible. "And of course we didn't pack the memory-wiping units!" He paused. "Still."

"You never told me what the tip was you received on the plane last time."

"Apparently one of the places we visit is the headquarters for...that person."

Patrick whistled. "No other info?"

"Not as yet. But we need to AAAAAAAARGH!"

"We need to aaaaaargh?"

Norman pointed to the taxi that had just knocked them into ninth place. In that taxi, the Populars and the Odd Couple were arguing.

"Oh. Typical."

...

"Can you tell that wannabe to stop breathing next to me?!"

"How about I shove my fist up my-"

"Oh look!" Ellie cried out, finally opening her mouth after having spent most of the car journey taking the abuse silently. "There it is!" The taxi slammed to a halt and the Popular Chicks stormed out. They spotted the Fanboys struggling to open a car door and walked up.

"Hey girls." Charles said.

"Hi you big hunk!" Rachel giggled, reeled back due to the stench, and then forced herself forward. "No hard feelings about accidentally leaving you behind?"

"Why would we be offended?" Dan smiled. "We all know you didn't mean it"

"Alice. Alice come on." Ellie pulled her towards her and smiled as she took her friend's face in her hands. "Hey. Look at me a sec." Alice did. "Look, we're going to drive over there, it's not too far." Alice let out a soft sound and Elllie grabbed hold of her hands. "Hey, hey hey, I'll drive, and you can close your eyes. There are worse things. I'll sing, for start." The other let out a shaky laugh. "See? Okay, we'll be fine."

Tina had stared at the two girls.

...

Tina: So those two are totally lesbo freaks.

Rachel: Aw yeah. Totally!

Tina: Bet they don't want people to know that!

...

Dawn sighed as she checked her watch. She looked up, just in time to see the Bikers drive up. "Oh, great!" She turned to the camera. "First part completed. However, if you look over to my left, you see two paths! This is because-" She pointed to the Bikers as they tapped the Don Box.

"It's a Either Or!"

 _"A Either Or gives them teams the option of doing one of two tasks. For this leg of the race, they can either gather as much corn as specified for a chef to produce the traditional meal of Humita, or create a costume by hand and wear it in the dance of the Kullawada in a local parade! Once these have been completed to the satisfaction of the chef or the costume maker, they will receive their next travel tip."_

Guzzle growled. "Corn! Definitely." They rushed off.

"Meanwhile, the other teams are...not doing so well."

...

"Come on boys! Hurry up!"

"Ginger, let's not antagonize them too much-"

"Oh SHUT UP you wimp! We in a alliance? We need to move faster! Something that these two seem to not understand!"

Harry growled. "Tim, she's getting on my LAST NERVE!"

"I know, I know." Tim patted him on the back. "We'll get her soon."

All remaining teams were on the road now. Slowly, they crawled forward, inch by wicked inch they moved forward. There were a wide variety of reactions all down the line. Alice was gnawing at one of the armrests, James was sweating so much they had a bucket under him just to collect all of it, and the Circus Freaks were...taking it well.

Flip Flop glanced at the camera. "Oh, him?" she nodded to Bouncy, who was snoring. "Yeah, he passes out a lot when he's not preforming. Which is rare. So once again, it's up to me to take care of it all." She smacked her lips. "Perfect. Just...perfect."

Dan glanced at Charles. "For goodness sakes! Didn't you eat before getting here?"

"What are you on about?" demanded Charles.

"I heard a rumble!"

There was a pause, and then both fanboys glanced out of the car window. Part of the road was cracking, due to time or age or the number of cars on it was unknown, but it almost seemed like the road was shifting downwards into the large valley.

"GET OUT!" roared someone, and panic took over. There was a rush, as each team struggled to abandon their car. At the front of the convoy, Tim struggled out, and was just about to stand on the car roof to get Harry out, when Ginger rushed past him and smacked him back onto the road.

"OW!"

Gwen climbed through the sunroof and glanced over to the back end. The Jocks took off without looking back, but Gwen grabbed hold of Alice's hand, lifting her up and over the cars. "Oh come on!" she snapped somewhat brutally as Rachel and Tina screamed hysterically.

Dawn rushed down. "Come on! Everyone hurry up!"

As the section of road slipped away, there was a rush as the last few teams ran over the cars. The Jocks were carrying the Therapists in their arms and Alice was clutching onto Ellie something fierce.

They watched as the road vanished. Dawn closed her eyes and turned. "All of you are okay!"

"Don't you want to count us first?" Dawn pointed to her head, causing Siggy to scoff. "Oh yes, of course, that Sixth Sense of yours!"

"All right, so there's going to be a penalty-" everyone groaned. "But to make it fair, everyone of you will get it. So basically, get to the Chill Zone and you'll be safe. As long as you're not last." Dawn pointed. "Don Box is over there!"

...

Dawn: I have to admit my role is more of a...counterpoint to Don. Don doesn't care about the safety of many people. I do. Don doesn't care about the environment. I do. Which is why I'm donating money to fixing up that road for the people of Bolivia! Well, I say my money...Don's more like.

...

"Your friend is awesome!" Brick grabbed the tip. Molly blushed slightly. "Okay, it's either cooking or costume making. I went to fashion school, so hopefully I can do this!"

"And I'll go with that! Come on!" Molly and Brick rushed off, as the others hurried over.

...

TEAMS AT CORN GATHERING: Odd Couple, Popular Chicks, Fanboys, Teachers, Social Workers, Bikers, Jocks, Farmers, Chefs

TEAMS AT COSTUME MAKING: Reality Show Ex's, Flower Cadets, Inventors, Spies, Stagemily, Therapists, Movie Stars, Circus Freaks

...

CORN

"How are you guys only now getting started on the corn!?"

Tiger growled at Tim. "Because for whatever reason, the losers with the tips said that our corn was picked well enough!" He gestured back. "I mean LOOK AT IT." Tim, Harry, Ginger and Liam tilted their heads to see what once was surely a corn field, but now resembled the home of a very over-excited gopher.

"Yeah, it's a mystery."

"AH HA! HARRY YOU ARE SO FUNNY!" Ginger slapped him on the back.

...

Ginger: So when I snap, I learn that the best way to make up is to lie through your teeth and laugh along at any jokes the offended person is. No matter how wrong they are.

Liam: Which perhaps explains why our kids tend to get a little cocky.

...

Harry: Don't think we don't see what they're doing.

...

"Hey sweetie, you okay?" Alice shook her head, letting out a softer whimper. "Hey, it's okay, come on, we just need to get the corn and then we can get to the Chill Zone, kay?" Alice nodded.

"Ugh, don't people like that just, like, make you sick?"

"Totally!" agreed Rachel. "Let's like, talk to them about it!"

...

COSTUME.

"We're doomed!" Siggy whispered and wailed at the same time, a feat that no one thought possible. "Have you seen the competition? We've got people from Hollywood, the Circus, the stage, these all know how to make clothes!"

"Not necessarily." Carly pointed. "Look, the mom from the Stage-mily is impressive, but she's hampered by her daughter. The Circus Freaks probably buy their clothes from a Clowns R Us, and the Hollywood Bombs, over there?"

"OW! THIS STRANGE THING HURT ME!"

"That's a needle, Leo."

"-well, they're on a whole nother planet." Carly rushed over. "Come on, we've got an example, let's get to it!" Siggy groaned and nodded.

Sally looked around for Carter. She sighed as she saw he wasn't there, and then yelped

For the most part, there was a lot of quiet, no real drama. That was boring, so-

...

CORN.

-the cameras switched to where the real Drama was at!

"Hey, Odd Couple, can we talk for like a minute?" Both Popular Girls smiled at them. It was the worst attempt at a sincere smile ever."See, uh, we've got our hands on a little secret. And we totally want you to stay in the game, so maybe you, us and the Fanboys should work together."

Ellie and Alice looked at each other. "Secret?"

"Yeah, about your kissing habits!" Tina broke in. "We know that you two are totes together! So unless you want us to out you, you'll work with us."

Ellie and Alice stared at each other in shock.

And then burst out laughing. The Popular Chicks looked befuddled. "What...What's the joke?"

"Well first of all." started Ellie. "You, uh, already outed us the moment you said it on live TV."

"And secondly, even if you didn't, go ahead! Who cares?" Alice grinned. "Come here you!"

Ellie squeaked as Alice's lips were on her's in a instant. She melted into the kiss as both Popular Chicks gagged in horror.

...

Ellie: *giggling happily*

Alice: *grinning* So yeah, we're a couple...in the romantic sense. We basically just sort of...clicked, the first couple of times we met. ...So to all the haters out there, you can suck my-

*The rest of this has been censored. For vulgarity. It was that bad.*

...

Meanwhile, Harry tapped Tim on the back. "Listen, we need to get rid of that...banshee and her stooge!"

"I know." Tim was calm, as he picked a few more ears of corn. "I'm beginning to see a pattern. I wonder if you've noticed it as well." Harry shook his head, and Tim continued. "Well, here's the thing. Whenever someone creates a alliance, soon those in the alliance fall into two distinct categories. The first become the leaders, massive manipulators who can get what they want through charm or just making bigger targets. You follow?" Harry nodded. "Now, the second type is the one that i fear that dear Ginger is pushing us into. The lackeys. To be abused. To them, we're more than likely nothing than a extra pair of hands. And more often than not, the lackeys are thrown under the bus the second that they're no longer useful...which is why we're going to take them out today."

Harry whistled. "Damn, so soon?"

"Damn right. I want to shut her up as much as you do." Tim glanced ahead. "Why Ginger my darling! Lovely to see you!"

"Flatterer!" Ginger let loose a piercing shriek of laughter, and it was all Harry could do not to stab his own ear at that moment. Even Liam looked slightly annoyed.

...

TO BE CONTINUED.


End file.
